I forgot to get my meds refilled yesterday.
If you’ve ever forgotten to get your meds refilled, you know how upsetting this can be. If you’ve ever forgotten to fill a prescription for benzodiazepines, you know how missing a dose can totally fuck you up.
From Drugs.com: Klonopin (clonazepam) is a benzodiazepine. Clonazepam affects chemicals in the brain that may be unbalanced. Clonazepam is also a seizure medicine, also called an anti-epileptic drug. Klonopin is used to treat certain seizure disorders (including absence seizures or Lennox-Gastaut syndrome) in adults and children. Klonopin is also used to treat panic disorder (including agoraphobia) in adults.
I take Klonopin to help with a couple of things: 1. Panic attacks, 2. Restless Leg Syndrome, 3. peripheral neuropathy, 4. to shut my brain down at bedtime so I can sleep.
Let’s start with #1 & 4: I started taking Klonopin years ago when I was first diagnosed with agoraphobia. My panic attacks were intense. Some so intense that I couldn’t function. I only ever took the Klonopin when I couldn’t get a handle on the panic attack through controlled breathing techniques, finding a quiet space to calm down and rewire my thinking to less extreme thoughts.
I was given Klonopin to take a bedtime too. I’m one of those people who can be exhausted but as soon as my head hits the pillow my brain KICKS ON AND ALL MY THOUGHTS ARE IN ALL CAPS, NEON FLASHING LIGHTS THATSOONTURNINTOONELINEOFCONTINUOUSTHOUGHT.
In other words, my brain would not shut the fuck up. It’s not even worry brain, just a lot of thinking. I love my cats, my cats have the furriest feet and sweet toe beans, beans are good for my health, I need to start working out, I wonder if I can get a gym membership to 24 Hour Fitness, Walmart is open 24 hours a day, I’m so glad I don’t work at Walmart anymore, it’s been 20 years since I worked at Walmart and I remember every person I worked with….
Can you imagine how exhausting this is? The Klonopin does a good job of tucking my brain into bed and singing to it until it goes to sleep. Nowadays, Klonopin is only my bedtime buddy. I don’t need it but maybe once a year for a panic attack.
#2 & 3 could kind of be one thing. “Restless legs syndrome (RLS) is a condition that causes an uncontrollable urge to move your legs, usually because of an uncomfortable sensation. It typically happens in the evening or nighttime hours when you’re sitting or lying down. Moving eases the unpleasant feeling temporarily. Restless legs syndrome, now known as restless legs syndrome/Willis-Ekbom disease (RLS/WED), can begin at any age and generally worsens as you age. It can disrupt sleep, which interferes with daily activities.” – Mayo Clinic
I’ve had RLS at least since high school. That’s as far back as I can remember it. It happens to me at bedtime but can happen when I’m tired and sitting quietly. In school and at work, this is really annoying. It’s distracting and I can’t get any work done.
When I go to sleep, RLS wakes me up. My legs wake me up because they’re bouncing around. Some people say that it feels like spiders or ants are crawling up their legs. I don’t get the crawling feelings, I feel like my legs are spasming and moving of their own volition.
The spasming comes from peripheral neuropathy. “Peripheral neuropathy, a result of damage to the nerves outside of the brain and spinal cord (peripheral nerves), often causes weakness, numbness and pain, usually in your hands and feet. It can also affect other areas of your body. People with peripheral neuropathy generally describe the pain as stabbing, burning or tingling. In many cases, symptoms improve, especially if caused by a treatable condition. Medications can reduce the pain of peripheral neuropathy.” – Mayo Clinic
The spasming is the worst. I can walk my feet, toes, legs tighten up into cramps or spasm. It’s the freakiest thing. I’m not purposefully moving my toes or my feet and yet there they are, toes curling up around each other or twitching in place. It’s incredibly irritating, and at times, so uncomfortable that I can’t sleep.
I learned that I can wear compression socks and other contraptions that squeeze my legs and feet at night so I can get some damn rest.
Last night, I had no Klonopin. I had to deal with the RLS, the peripheral neuropathy, the racing thoughts AND I didn’t get sleep the night before. This mad for an exhausting and bizarre dream filled night. I tried listening to my hypnosis CDs, something that helps with insomnia.
I’m really sleepy today. I woke up feeling like I was drugged. Withdrawals are a bitch. Probably not making much sense. Just don’t forget to refill your meds. That’s what I’m trying to say.
I Need to Say This 